THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PAGE YOU WILL EVER READ. MARK, LEARN AND DIGEST AND YOU WILL ENJOY BONDAGE and SM SAFELY!
Let me state immediately that BONDAGE and/or SM (Sado Masochism) are activities which must only happen when there is complete TRUST between partners!.Any 'coolness' or 'worry' about joining in by one partner and it will not work.
It also demands a 'safe' word.
What is a 'safe' word and what is its significance?
At the simplest level this is the special word which, in spanking, every spanker offers every spankee and, at any point in the spanking, immediately stops any further action! In Spanking it helps but, in most cases, if the spankee is not happy they can get up and leave. The difference with Bondage and SM is that restraint is part of the equation which makes this impossible. Thus TRUST is essential and the 'safe word' offers an escape!<.b>.
It must be a word which is outside the normal range of words used in spanking. "Stop!", "No more", "I cannot stand it" are not suitable as they are words often used during the play , not to deter but to encourage further action, and may have no other significance!
Choose a word like "carrot", "mermaid" or "rabbit" which are words which are outside any spanking or sexual connotation so can be clearly understood to mean STOP.This is essential.if trust is to be maintained! This does not necessarily mean that nothing more takes place - it maybe just a 'breather' but 'STOP' means 'STOP' until permission to continue is allowed.
Let me give a Spanking example of my own to show what I mean. A lady who regularly looked at my website e-mailed and telephoned me several times to make an appointment for a spanking. She set out exactly her 'fantasy' and eventually a date and time was arranged. She arrived, we chatted and we agreed a 'SAFEWORD' then she came across my lap. As soon as I spanked over her dress I could sense the tension and then, when I lifted her dress to spank over her knickers she broke down and said "no more"! followed by her 'SAFEWORD.!.
This was a lady where the 'FANTASY' was everything and when the 'REALITY' happened it was too much for her. We parted on good terms and she went back home to her own private spanking 'fantasy world'. No pain but lots of imagined pleasure I am sure!!The moral is that until the waters have been tested there is no certainty that Spanking, Bondage or SM is for you. This makes the 'SAFE WORD' even more essential.
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In his book on "Erotic Bondage" Jay Wiseman comments on 'the silent alarm'
He continues "When we talk about bondage, we are frequently talking about a situation in which two people are alone together, and one of them is very securely tied up. The potential for BAD THINGS to happen in this situation is obvious.
The suggestion here is that on the first, or maybe even subsequent visits until you are confident with your partner, you leave a message with a friend that you will call in with a SPECIAL message after a given interval. If everything is OK then the message is innocuous BUT if you are in trouble then the message uses the text agreed between the two friends - maybe "we will meet at the pub later" or "can you check on the dog". The importance is that using the EXACT phrase is a warning of problems and your friend can then rescue you.. This can be necessary for both 'top' and 'bottom' as it is not unknown for the 'bottom' to cry 'rape'!..
I repeat 'in Bondage and SM, evan more than in Spanking (where you can get up and walk away if you are not happy) this safeguard is even more essential.
Please be clear that a 'safe' word is needed even between regular partners as, it is always possible for one partner to get 'too enthusiastic' and hurt the other, albeit unintentionlly. Never be afraid to use the 'safe word' but conversely do not cry 'wolf' as that makes a nonsense of its importace. Just remember that the 'SAFEWORD' is what it means. Do not use it unnecessarily as when you genuinely DO ned it it may well be ignored!
Again a comment from my spankees may be appropriate here. "When you caned me hard I wanted it to stop after each stroke but strangely I also knew I must wait until after the next one. I never said stop and you knew exactly the right moment when enough was enough!"
