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Bondage - The Definition of Erotic Bondage


Firstly we need to differentiate between the three activities Spanking, Bondage and Sado Masochism.


Erotic Spanking is essentially an erotic 'hands on' experience between partners or consenting adults. Alternatively it may also be carried out by outsiders (such as myself) who specialise in offering erotic spanking to ladies who request it. This latter group visit a 'spanker' who uses his hand and the various instruments on the bare bum of the lady. It is a 'disciplined' activity where, in my case, a man 'dom' who spanked submissive ladies. I never charged money but mistresses and many men doms do. for their services. As I said this is an'antiseptic service' where the action is cold blooded and without emotion. The submissive may, and often will be naked but the dominent never is!

In the more 'sophisticated' area of spanking, mainly disciplinary' we have women (called 'domme(inent)s' or 'mistress) who spank men. In this case it is much more painful and the 'domme' thrashes the bare bottoms with canes and birches - often until they bleed. Please understand this is NOT 'erotic' spanking and often happens in 'dungeons' owned and set up by the 'mistress'. These are heavily advertised on websites.

Bondage is a much more reclusive activity between consenting adults. It is as a respected author states "Bondage is, in and of itself a way of shifting the power dynamic between the person on the outside of the ropes and the person inside" It takes us into a new world of 'mind games' and requires a much more intimate handling as the partners must have absolute trust in each other. It is NOT for 'a one night stand' as, beside the erotic side it also requires deep emotional responses. , Unlike Spanking which has several instruments such as strap,can,paddle etc. but few restraints bondage includes these plus a whole host of physical restraints.


These can be divided into metal and non metalallic restraints. Non-metal restraints include wrist or ankle cuffs, heavy duty cloth, nylon webbing and rope (NEVER,EVER use metal handcuffs)! Only today I saw that with the release of the film 'Fifty Shades of Grey' the police and fire brigade are expecting a number of people needing to be released from metal hancuffs!


A good 'Christmas present' for your partner is a set of two leather wrist cuffs, two ankle cuffs and several long leather straps - the uses of which offer endless pleaure and experimentation.


SM or Sado Masochism is a much more complex and intense form of Bondage which takes it way beyond what I feel are the 'bounds' of Bondage. In simple it includes a large number of items for restraint and even 'torture'. It also require a deep comittment and intensity and includes auto-eotica, hoisting, bottoms off the floor and much more. This will be dealt with in a later Chapers on the subject.




WHAT?

First we need to define our terms. In my Oxford English Dictionary

"erotic" is defined as "having to do with sexual desire or excitement
'bondage is defined as "sexual activity that requires the tying up of one partner"

Clearly the definition of what we are offering! Now we need to know the answers to the five 'Ws' - Who?, What?, When?, Where? and Why?


As Jay Wiseman puts it " So we could broadly define erotic bondage as "to confine, restrain. or restrict with bonds in a way intending to arouse sexual desire""

So now we have our definition of what we are offering and can move on to the other four 'Ws'


WHY?
There is an element of 'dominance' or 'submission' in all of us and to 'control' and 'be controlled' is a natural part of the human psyche.

In a relationship this may manifest itself in many ways, sometimes unpleasantly, but also many fruitful and pleasurable. The submissive likes to hand herself (or himself) over to her dominant partner and will offer herself for his pleasure. I need to add here that subissives and dominets can be of either sex but, to save constant repetition where relevant I will will stick to the woman as the submissive, and the man as th dominent although statistics show that in at least 30% of the time it is the other way round!

Pure sex i.e 'fucking each other silly' can be repetitious and may soon wane in its pleasure so experimentation offers an outlet. Once we have a 'dom' and a 'sub' we have the perfect mix for bondage.The 'sub' lets go control and 'hands her body 'over to her 'dom' partner. She will offer her body to her parner as though on an altar He may well start by holding her in position as he experiments for exaple bending her over the back of the bed and holding her with one hand while he spanks with the other - but they soon move on. and we explore this in the chapter on Erotic Bondage


WHEN
This has a two part answer. If you live with a person then whenever the mood aand need takes you. both. It may be in the middle of the day; when your partner is bending over the table preparing food.;ending down to pick something off the floor; walking upstairs;coming out of the shower with just a towel wrapped round; the reasons are infinit!. Any movement can be a trigger! Hold her down and spank her bottom hard!; She may offer herself by undressing provocativly, or while coming out of a shower or bath. Thse are offers from your partner to take action. In this case any restraint such as a dressing gown rope will do - and now it become 'BONDAGE. Whatever is available for the moment.

Then there are other more 'set-piece' scenarios when you challenge each other and the woman is sent up to the bedroom to bend over the end and 'await her master'. This is an excellent time to restrain her. She will want you to and any 'punishment' will actively help movement towardssexual activity. Look at your cock and you will see that you are aroused. Feel beteewn her legs and you can be sure that the spanking has stimulated her pussy as she begins to spend. For both of you this point offers the perfect scenario to take your partner from the rear while she is still fastened in position.

If you are meeting somebody for the first time then first there is the problem of where(?) her place, yours or a hotel!. Whichever you have a problem because. although sex is easy.'stand her against a wall and fuck her(!)', bondage requires much more subtlety and available sites. It also needs absolute trust and this is very difficult on a first meeting. Assuming you have found a suitable place work slowly, enjoy the evening and do not push hard. Hold her hands as you spank her bottom and see whether she objects. If not then a little more restraint can be applied such as something wrapped round her wrists. If she objects leave it! If you genuinely want to meet again there will always be a next time! Do not think that any girl you meet, even agreeing to sex, will be into bondage. It is an 'aquired' taste.


WHO
This is a very simple one to answer! It is YOU

Most of us have this urge to control, or be controlled. whether we are at work or at play. The manager rises to the top because of his urge to control, while the 'shop floor assistant' is happy with his position where he does not need to make decisions; In a football team there are players who want to control the match while others are happy to follow instructions. The numbers of examples are endless. In our use of the definition we will be thinking of couples, hetrosexual, gay or lesbian it matters not, and their 'personal' relationships

Here we finish this chapter by now being well aware of the "5 Ws"! The next Chaper moves on to the introduction of Play and Erotic Bondage after we have intoduced the INSTRUMENTS

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